just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
