Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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