Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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