matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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