Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
