Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
