you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
