just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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