I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
