I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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