Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
