Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
