The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
