White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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