I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
