Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
