i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
