dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
