It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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