Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I smell like Dick and happiness
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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