Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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