So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
