so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
