I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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