Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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