u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
