My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
