I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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