I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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