oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This baby is an asshole
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
