Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
