Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
