i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
