My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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