Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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