Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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