im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
