I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
