Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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