I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
my liver is dry heaving
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
