My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
