That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
