and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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