I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
