you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
