So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
