I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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