So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
