Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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