Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
