so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
