Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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