I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
