Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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