No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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