we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
