quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
