note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
